Soaking it in......

I haven't been on in awhile. A lot has happened. Not sure where to begin. I was really dreading yet looking forward to getting the 6 month MRI over with. Gianfranco did great. I was so afraid of the worst. He had his MRI on a Friday. I thought for sure the oncologists office would have his results later that day. Nope. Bless Kristin, the nurse I bugged a few times that day checking to see if radiology sent over the results. So you better believe I was on the horn first thing Monday morning to find out. I was driving to work and she said there wasn't anything in the "fax bin". Ugh....the disappointment! Then she said, "hold on, let me check another place". While I was on hold for what seemed like an eternity, she came back on and started to read the results. I was driving to work...probably not the smartest thing to do while getting the news. lol. The minute it took her to read the results was a moment of time, frozen. It was as if the world was spinning and blurry. I can't remember every word she read but I do remember her saying "the tumor was no longer evident". It was silent. She asked me if I was ok. I couldn't speak. All I did was cry. A cry like I haven't done in a long time. It took everything I had to tell her thank you. Not even sure if she understood me. I will forever remember the day we were told our son had a brain tumor and now will add the day they told me his tumor was gone. Those will not be days I will ever forget. They are engraved in my brain. I remember the weather, the feelings, the doom, the joy, the mourning, the celebration.......wow. I think back on what our family has been through in the last nine months and can't believe it. Who'd of thought. ?????

When I called Mario, he couldn't understand me. Nothing would come out....just crying. Poor guy. I finally got out the great news and then texted everyone I knew whose number I had. I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. I REALLY wanted to drive to Franco's school, take him out of class, and hold him in my arms, but I couldn't. I had to go to work. And I did....all red eyed and puffy faced. hahaha So, instead Mario and I discussed how we would tell Gianfranco the great news. Well, it didn't go as we'd have liked or thought. Its quite apparent he has some repressed anger about it all. Understandable. :( I couldn't imagine going through what he has, as an adult, much less a 5 yr old. One day, he will read this and maybe understand it all a little better. He keeps asking me, "Why do you take me to these places? I hate it, and they hurt me. Its all your fault Mommy". Ohhhhh, if he only knew how I pray to God for him. Ask God, Why him, why not me? Take away his anger and hurt, but that isn't going to happen. So, instead of showing him how I'm dying everytime I see them stick him, see him throw up, help hold him down, put him through it all.......I go on with the most positive attitude I can muster....all the while I'm dying inside, slowly but surely.

Gianfranco, when you are old enough to read these and understand it all, you will know that Mommy and Daddy would give it all to take your place. We are so sorry you are going through this and wish it were us and not you. When you become a father, you too, will understand the love a parent has for their child. Until then, I will be by your side, hiding it all, if that means being strong for you. I love you more than words can say. Your brother and you are our lives. We will be here for you always. So, be mad, don't give up, and fight! You have come so far and we will get through it and on with our lives.

I have to say, you are the best performer. You crack me up dancing to "Big Time Rush". And when you asked me if you could wear cologne this morning I just about fell over. I can't believe you are in kindergarten and growing up so fast. I often look back at your baby pictures and can't help but to smile and ooze love. I have so many things I want to tell you about your 5 years on this earth...I will one day write a book about it. Until then, this blog will have to suffice. lol

Giovanni- oh my poor baby. I was looking forward to getting your tubes done and over with tomorrow but it looks like that won't happen until Thursday. Hang in there lil one. I pray you don't get a fever and serious infection before then. Watching you and your big bro interact and laugh together makes my heart smile! This morning Franco held your hands helping you walk. If that isn't the most beautiful sight, I don't know what is.

Ok- I'm tired. Must....go.....to.....bed! lol.

Thank you God for the answered prayers. Please continue to heal Gianfranco and keep away any other illnesses. Without the love and grace from Our Father, we wouldn't be where we are. He deserves all the glory.

Good night all,

Much love and many blessings,
m2g2